Thursday, May 20, 2010



I have, like a confession to make.

Yesterday I went to an event where there are many top female bloggers invited as well. It was for a very meaningful cause but I'll elaborate more about it in another entry cos I'm waiting for my mum to come back from overseas cos I've lots of questions about it to ask her.

I don't really know exactly why, but I feel like I was not being myself last night.

Here are some of the excuses I found for myself.

- Perhaps I was too overwhelmed by SO MANY female bloggers getting together. I'm usually socially super chatty in small groups but guess I really can't handle big, dispersed groups. Oh, maybe that's the problem. All my friends are dispersed into so many different groups, I didn't really know who I should stick to. All hold equal places in my heart, I can't possibly stick to one and ignore the other one for the rest of the night.

- Or maybe because there are so many FEMALE bloggers, I tend to think that females are more judgmental and I'm trying my best not to get judged the wrong way by the new people I'm meeting? But I think I learnt my lesson, the more you try, the closer you are to being a failure.

- Or maybe it's the menstrual problem. Erm, perhaps it's one of the side effects?

- Or maybe cos Xiaxue was there. I experienced the same feeling at the nuffnang flashmob and the Singapore river tour. How am I expected to be, around someone who once stated out loud that she doesn't like me? What do I do when I see her? It's weird if I smile, it's rude if I ignore. I'm ashamed to say I did the latter.

- Or maybe cos it's the first time I met some of the other top bloggers I follow. You know, the star-struck feeling? Haha.

- Or maybe because I was lugging around these two bags of bulky items I felt damn unglam.

Anyways, I think that the people who know me in natural real life would find me to be abit unlike myself yesterday. The only time I felt super natural was during the talk when I was seated at the back with my sis and Elise. Everyone's back was facing me and I was sitting between two people I could be comfortably normal around.

Oh I just remembered a few years ago I also met someone at a social setting who was so different from his/her blog! He/she was so expressive on his/her blog but so socially awkward at events. I thought he/she was semi-retarded (sorry!).

I guess now I sort of know how he/she had felt that time. I hope the new people I met yesterday wouldn't think I'm semi-retarded! Hahah. I hope to have the chance to have mini dinners with them in the future to prove that I'm actually very normal socially!!! -_____-

Jayden told me that if I improve my english I'll be more confident in such situations. OKAY. In order to improve my english, I need a vacation and stay in an angmoh country for at least 3 months. Who want bring me go??? (Elise also want ((hers is purely for fun -.-)) so if you want fund me you must fund her too :D )

Update: afew girls who were there ytd just told me via sms that i wasnt the only one who felt awkward. phew.

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