Saturday, March 31, 2012

After the break up

I've been feeling rather reflective recently!

Kept thinking about stuff and wanting to blog but whenever I reach home from work I feel so tired that I fall asleep on bed immediately after dinner. And then after my little nap, I'd feel too drowsy to type proper words.

Just an update on my life...
Nothing much. Times after the break up was difficult. I refused to give in and he was unwilling to compromise. Both of us wanted it our way. Then came a period of time when I decided to just wait it out and hope he will wake up. He was still cordial to me back then and even sort of encouraged me to stay on so I thought that we could probably work this out. We went out a couple of times after the big break up but only as friends. There were a few happy moments but nothing as a couple (nope, we did not hold hands nor hug. Heck, I even went home on my own.) I felt contented sometimes and upset sometimes. But I kept it all inside because I didn't want to be a bitch and push him further away. I felt kinda lost at that time, because I don't know if I should give up or not. I did not want to waste the effort we had put in for so long. I thought that if I became the perfect girl he always wanted, he'd eventually fall in love with me again.

I had a week long work event shortly after that and I was kept busy with work. At the same time, I started to find that I could stand individually on my own. I caught up with friends and suddenly I felt strength and happiness even without him. I reflected on the difficult relationship we had and gradually felt less heartbroken about everything. I felt that it was impossible to mend a relationship that has gone way out of path.

Just when I was about to fully detach myself from him, he started to suggest that we both work the relationship out. It was a painful choice for me. I could take up his suggestion and try it out but risk getting hurt again. We had tried to start over plenty times during the course of our relationship and every single time history repeated. But the way he spoke this time felt different.... I felt that maybe, maybe this time could be different. (But then there are also plenty of other issues that are still unsolved... How are we going to solve them? How can my family accept him again after what he did to me?)

Another choice was to completely let go. I felt a sense of irony. Like this was the moment I've been waiting for so long yet when it happens, I decide to forgo the chance?!?! But yet this was the only time I felt the strength to let go... If I don't make use of the courage I have currently, I really don't know how I can let go in the future if we don't work out again.

Choices choices.... Have been thinking a lot about our past memories and I really don't know if I could find someone like that anymore. I've always felt that we were incompatible and from different worlds but now that I think back, we are actually very suitable for each other! To be honest, I don't think any guy ever loved me as much as the way he did. But that's the past now.

So anyway, Mum went to the fortune teller few days back and got back with a few tips for me. Some were quite accurate, but there was this particular sentence about my relationship path this year. Which made me reflect that no matter how hard you try, you can't fight fate. Then what's the point?? What's the point of putting so much into your relationship when fate decides everything, when fate decides that one should go wayward??

This is discouraging.

I think I became quite cynical to love and relationships. So much that I sounded pessimistic.

I'm still trying to get my life back on track currently... And so far, it's not bad. But I'm feeling kinda lazy to maintain my blog. I just want to enjoy myself day in day out, browse through other blogs, stalk people on Facebook, play games, etc. I just didn't want to think. I want to space out.

Will update proper entries soon :)

雨都停了, 这片天 灰什麽呢?

有些爱 越想抽离却越更清晰,
那最痛的距离 是你不在身边,却在我的心里.


我找不到理由忘记 大雨里的别离
我找不到理由放弃 我等你的决心

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Giveaway - Shoes!





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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Why I keep everything to myself

I feel extremely stressed out by external comments on my life.

Sometimes I really wish I could make my own decisions without people judging. Left or right, whatever choice I make, it's all wrong. Why can't people be more encouraging and say nicer things? Why can't people just stop raining on my ALREADY WET parade? Do you all like to see me stay miserable and stuck in this stupid spot? Leave some hope for me can or not?? If you are not going to help pull me out, at least don't push me back into the hole can? I know sometimes people mean well. But it's really very discouraging for people who are trying hard to climb out of negativity.

THIS IS PRECISELY THE REASON WHY I ALWAYS PREFER TO KEEP EVERYTHING INSIDE MYSELF. This is why I prefer to pretend that everything is fine, everything is alright.

The Hunger Games

Watched hunger games a couple of days back. Nice!

However, while watching the show, during the scene where Katniss volunteered for her sister and during the scene where they were in some science-spaceship-thingy having their tracking injections, I had the deja-vu feel that I have watched these two scenes before.

I thought that maybe this movie already premiered somewhere else and just got to Singapore that's why maybe I've seen it elsewhere. BUT NO!! It is a new movie and it just started screening in March.

How could it be?! How come I felt like I see it before??


Mystery Makan- Queens

It was 'Mystery Makan' again with the girls, and this time it was Jacelyn's turn! She asked us to meet at Harbourfront but as I was late, she gave me the name of the restaurant "Queens" and I made my way to the restaurant myself... It was located off the main road and difficult to find. Mystery indeed!

The cab driver didn't know of "Queens". Every single passer by I asked had no idea. Every staff nearby the area was unsure.

It was located in the middle of the Sentosa Boardwalk (Bridge walkway from Vivocity to Resorts World Sentosa). Slightly nearer to Vivocity side. My cab driver dropped me off at Resorts World Sentosa and I had to find it from there! Almost halfway across the bridge, Jacelyn called and she said I was going the wrong direction so I turned back and when I reached back to where I started from (Resorts World Sentosa), she realised that I was walking the correct direction the previous time. Hilarious!!! I had to walk back again. Hahaha. But it's okay, because after being super late and walking so much, the restaurant is this little pretty place!!

From what I know, the whole area was new. My camera was still broken at that time, so the photos in this entries are either from my compact cam or Fidelis'. The clear and sharp ones are hers. Mine are the blur ones!

Sweet belated Christmas and Valentines gift from Fidelis! Her packaging is always so nice!

The whole ambiance was very interesting.

We ordered the set meal which was $30++. Salad comes first. Quite yummy, for someone like me who don't eat salad most of the time.

The soup is goodness! I had a good time savouring every last drop of the mushroom soup.

My main course was this chicken chop thingy. Very big slice I must say!

Me with my chicken chop!


I think this one below was pork.



The other girls and their food!

Icecream scoops for dessert!

As you can see, the food here was quite normal, like the usual western place. But I think the place is worth a try, especially for the decor. It is quiet indoor, and outdoor seem quite nice too!

It was dark by the time we finished dinner. If I had a date that night, the walk along the waters would have been very romantic!

Here's a photo of me and Fidelis :)

Blur outfit photo! Top is from MissQueenie, comes in other colors as well.

Queens Dessert Cafe Bistro
6 Sentosa Gateway #01-05, Sentosa Boardwalk, Singapore 098072
Tel: 63769326

Saturday, March 24, 2012


Hello people!! This is going to be a longgggggggggg entry! I had wanted to separate this entry into two post, but in the end I decided to just dump everything into one! It's going to take me a few hours to finish writing this... so here we go!


When I knew I was going to Phuket, I immediately asked my family "Phuket is in Thailand right? Not Malaysia right?" And when it was confirmed that Phuket is indeed a place further than Malaysia, I was so damn excited!!!

For 22 years of my life I had never gone to a place beyond Malaysia. It just sucks that the me who love and hope to holiday around the world had no chance to. I was so happy that I was finally LEVELING UP! I advanced from Malaysia to Thailand now! Haha. I would have preferred to go to Bangkok because that is where all the happenings are, but Phuket is just fine too!! Was a little worried about Tsunami but luckily I'm back home safe and fine now!

Patong Beach

It was early in the morning when we arrive at Phuket, so the sun was up and shining, which made many of my pictures have the sunlight effect. So nice!

The whole beach was filled with tourists and plenty of "resorts" along the stretch of beach. It was still early so there wasn't much crowd, but when we came back in the late afternoon, it was filled!

I was still feeling very excited about stepping on the shores of Thailand when I snapped these photos. Just wanna take photos of everything!! Haha.

Love this picture below. Looks so vivid!

Of course, how can I not take a photo of myself with the surroundings? Oh, that piece of yellow sticker on my arm was given by the tour guide and I was very afraid of getting lost in this foreign island so I pasted it onto my skin instead of my shirt so that it will stick longer. Now when I look at my photos, it's so ugly to see the sticker on my arm!! Haha. But I was really afraid that I would get lost mah... I can't speak the Thai language and it was my first time there!!!!

The waters all look so much better than our own Singapore waters. Don't know why! The sand is not very nice though.

In case you are wondering, the top is from MissQueenie, and it comes in 3 colors and it's only $12!!!!!! I love the heart prints and how breezy it was when wearing it!

Picture with Mum!

There were plenty of shops around the beach area, probably catering mostly to the tourists.

The motorcycles in this photo look like all the same model hor? Haha.

I wish that I could stay for the night because it seems like the streets were very empty during the day. Probably more happening at night when all the nightclubs open for business!

After that, we set off to visit the rest of Phuket!

We went to Chalong Temple.

The tour guide asking us to buy the cloth and flower.

It's a really big place, with several blocks.

Saw this huge tree with many notes hanging on it. Is it a wishing tree?

The exterior of the temple is magnificient!

Tsk. That yellow sticker on my arm is really very distracting lor.

This stretch of stalls selling souvenirs are right beside the temple.

Off we go again!

Next stop was Sri Bhurapa Cashew Nut Factory and shop. Not sure why the company name has the word "orchid" in it.

Many different kinds of cashew nuts here! We bought a few packets back to Singapore. Some other people in the same tour group with us bought a whole box!

The factory uses modern machines now, but they displayed two counters for the tourists to show the traditional method of removing cashew nut shell.

One by one leh!! Don't know one day can only finish how many nuts.

There's this counter with cashew nut drink. Eww! I refuse to try it. Haha.

I didn't know that cashew fruits look like this!! They look like toys!

After that, we headed to Wang Talang. Honestly, it was boring in here. On the brochure it says "Offers quality local handmade souvenirs, gifts, Thai silk, precious stones and jewellery". I was expecting something more cultural.

We walked one round with the saleslady following us and rested at the coffee lounge while waiting for time to be up.

Next, we went to Pornthip Sea Store. In the brochure it states "Most acclaimed authentic dried saute food store. Here, a wide selection of ready-to-eat dried saute food such as sausages, dried minced pork, dried squid, preserved plum, mango, pineapple, ginger, and coconut candy are for sale"... Sigh, just another "touristy stop". I was getting kinda bored by then. I wanted to visit the places where the Phuket residents go to, I wanted to look at their way of life, I wanted to try street food. I don't want to visit all these touristy shops trying to sell me provision food.

Nah~~ Not interested.

Another cashew nut counter.

Was glad to know that the next stop is LUNCH TIME!!! Finally!! We went to Thai Naan Restaurant.

The hall looks like a cheapo type of wedding banquet!

Many people flocked to this chef serving hot noodle soup!

But I felt cheated cos although the aroma was awesome, the soup tasted blah.

But the rest of the food was fantastic! There was a wide range for us to choose from ~~ Buffet style ^_^

This dish below was my first serving. Haha. The tomyum soup is SO SO SO SO SO NICE. Lots of prawn inside!

Mum got these weird-looking dim sum thingy. Haha.

Sigh... The yellow sticker.... TSK.

The tour guide helped us take this picture outside the restaurant!

Our final stop at Phuket was "Central Festival", which claimed to be the largest mall in Phuket.

This octopus bedroom slippers so cute!!!

"Hi Mum, I think you dropped two eggs on your slipper."

Mum very happy cos her yellow bird is so big!! haha. I prefer the blue one. The expression like very pitiful!

Walk until tired already, time for ice cream!

That's all for my time in Phuket!