Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The difficulty of happiness

How do you decide whether to hold on or to give up? How do you decide whether it's a passing phase or if it's a continual thing?

Sometimes I feel that the problem is because I'm too much of a perfectionist. I'm someone who believe in balance - you take how much, you give how much. Many a times I get angry because I feel that the situation is so unfair.

I don't understand why when you know how easy it is to pacify me, you always choose to do all sorts of stupid stuff and make me till the top of my anger before you decide to pacify me. I am someone who can be very angry, but also cools down quick. You are someone who gets angry easily, but take some time to cool down. This is very unfair for me because I'm the one who is suffering the hurt more. I don't want you to take for granted of my character and think that whatever mistake you make can be reversible. But yet my heart is too soft to be horrid after you apologise for your rash behaviour. I dislike arguments and always wish that it could be ended faster because time is precious to me. This character of mine puts me in a very unfair position. It's like my happiness has to be guided by your mood.

I've seen so many failure stories that I would do anything to not end up like them. You are 90%. Do I throw away this 90% just because you cannot excel in the other 10%? What if I can never find another 90%?

You were the first 90% I found. That's why you are so rare to me. That's why there's a difference between how much I cared for you and how much I cared for others. That's why I'm fighting to keep your 10% in place, because I don't want your 10% to end up being 90%. I don't want to lose something so rare that came by me. I believe in prevention, rather than cure.

I feel helpless in this situation. So many of the issues we have, are not within my control at all. Every single action and decision lies upon you. But you always make the wrong mistakes... and then regret it. Yet when the same situation comes again, you do the same mistake again, and the cycle goes on.

Actually, the 10% is just afew little things that I really emphasize importance on, but it may be small issues to others. I really wish I could be more flexible and less affected by these little issues. Then, I wont have to depend on someone else to guide my happiness.

Is it because we let this 10% flaw overwhelm us so badly that we almost forget the 90% we love?

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