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Thursday, July 30, 2009

The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.
Something to think about.


When i was younger, i fell in and out of love like it was nothing. All of them last an average of 3 pathetic weeks. At then i was questioning myself: "why he dont like me anymore?" , "i treat him so good why he dump me?", etc etc.

Then at a point of my life, it seemed like: "the least interested i am to a guy, the more interested he is in me. The more i care about him, the least he'll care. "

In other words... "if you like him more than he likes you, you'll get dumped by him". "if you dont like him as much as he likes you, he'll go crazy over you."

I tested it on different guys and presto, it does work. After some time, i couldn't pull myself away from this belief anymore. I used it on every single bf who started neglecting me. I used it on every single bf during the initial stages.

Yet, it's not easy.
You know, when you care about someone, it's not easy to stop yourself from doing so. Many a time, in order to "dont care" about a bf, i would go out with other guys or flirt with random strangers in clubs. Yes, i managed to divert my attention for awhile, but towards night time, it's always my bfs that i think of before going to sleep.

I hate to be vulnerable in a relationship, and that should explain why i always use this method. I always try to make myself distant and unavailable, but deep in my heart im yelling "yes i wanna go out with you, yes i wanna talk on the phone with you, yes i care so much so much".


And yeap, i feeling this way again.
This time, there is something different.

I dont want to be the one who cares more. (i think it's the fear of losing someone because i still believe that if you like him too much he'll end up losing feelings for you)

Yet.

I want to experience the feeling of liking someone. (yet i can't do it because there's still the fear there)


It's so contradicting.

I went to search in google "the one who loves least controls the relationship", and i got to this forum. I think some things that the people there said are really true.


"I think that works in a way. But the one who loves the least also does not get the experience of loving BIG. "

"As soon as anyone has a belief that the other person "would never leave me" then it's an announcement of a one-up. And if you're worried that your partner will leave you then you're coming out as a one-down. The best relationships happen when each partner believe themselves to be one-downs. That's why, in long lasting relationships, partners are often announced as "my better half."

"But I am very wary about concluding that the 'one down' then must act unavailable and all that. That is just tactics that hides the underlying problem: some people have lower self-esteem and are more needy than others. It is not about being more "loving" in the relationship, but about one partner being more needy than the other. Moreover, acting like someone you are not, is very difficult to do over a long time"

“i agree that the one who cares less controls the relationship. but i have learnt that in such instances, i pull back.. I know it's easier said then done, It's hard, specially when you yearn for the person, and have to put your foot down and play it cool.. . But when pulling back you have to keep in check as well that they aren't just interested bcos they suddenly may not have you. it can't be a cat and mouse game forever. ”


So how?
Put in all you have and constantly fear that he'll leave you one day,
Or act like you dont care and never get to experience the pleasure of giving?


Im really tired of pulling back whenever i fall. It's tiring because u have to act like you dont care at all when actually you care alot.
I wish i could just let myself fall without worries. Or rather, i wish i can never like someone that much, so that i really dont care.




** oh, and anyone else here feels a constant need to win all your partner's exs? For my past few relationships, this has always been the case. It's damn tiring you know, tending to feel jealous whenever there's something that the ex does better than i can, or when the bf remembers sweet things that they've done before. PFFFFTTT. It's so frustrating. What's worse is when your brain refuses to accept the fact that your bf has really gotten over his exs. The brain just keeps being too paranoid and manipulate yourself to think otherwise.


I do tell him about my worries all that, but i dont really want to tell him every single time i feel this way because it'll definitely make him feel irritated. But then im the kind who will say whatever that's on my mind out one! I cannot tahan and keep it inside one lor -_- TMD.


Updated: Just read this. http://blog.rachaelstott.com/2009/07/care-less/ Quite meaningful.

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