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Thursday, September 20, 2007

It started with something that my friend's brother said.

He said he thinks im attention-seeking, because i blog everything out. I supposed he meant that i should not blog about things related to my personal life, my liking for someone, or what happens in my daily life.

I know deep inside im not attention seeking. I love popularity, but not to the extent of creating unwanted attention just so that i would get known. If i get wellknown for all the wrong reasons, i would rather be a normal unnoticed girl.

I thought of changing my blog to a password protected one. If i did, then everyone will be convinced that im not blogging for attention.

But after seriously pondering about it for awhile, i realised that i shouldn't make it password protected.

1) It would be unfair for my sponsors who placed their advertisements on my blog.
2) Why must i hide my blog just because i blog about my daily happenings and feelings while other people can expose their blog to the world? It's not like what i blogged would affect my friends right? If they told me they dont want me to blog about them, i wont.
3) If i couldn't be direct in writing down my feelings on this blog, then what's this "blog" for? It's supposed to be a blog. Not an entertainment website for people to see interesting stuff.

People asked why i dont want to just create another blog address and abandon this one. Yea, i can, but i dont want to. I enjoy the amount of money this blog earns for me, and it's all thanks to the number of readers coming in everyday. If i started over, my earnings would be greatly reduced.

I didn't choose to be on XX's list of disgusting bloggers and i didn't want to be on it. I'm sure if i was an unknown blogger who have only 10 hits per day, she wouldn't even know who i am, and i wouldn't be on that list.

One of the reason why people grow a dislike for me is because they think im undeserving of my title. Why should a typical, unpretty, plump, bad-dressing-sense, unclever, boring, act-cute, normal teenager like me get thousands of visitors on my blog daily while other people who deserves the fame doesn't get it?

Maybe it's a valid reason for you guys to hate me because of that reason, but have you thought of how i would feel? Im hated even when i didn't do anything wrong. Is it fair?

Samuel told me that i can't make everyone like me. If there's someone who likes you, there would also be someone who hates you. Sigh. That must be true then.

Im sincerely Sorry if i ever did anything wrong that make you haters dislike me. I'm not someone who can hackcare about people disliking me, especially if they are people i would meet in real life.. Most of the time i would want to know what those people dont like about me. If it's within my ability, i would TRY to change, provided that it doesn't change the real me. I wouldn't change what i really am for anyone, but if some things i do really makes you people feel uncomfortable, i would do it less infront of you.

In the past i could ignore bad comments from online critics, because i've always placed my real life away from my online life. My real life was never affected by my online status, because all the online people dont get to meet me in real life. But now, there are people in my school who dislike who i am online, so most probably they brought that dislike down to the real life me. I dont know who they are, and i dont know if they are the people i pass by everyday in the canteen or corridors. You know that feeling? it's scary.

You know, if you guys said im not pretty or acting cute, i really dont mind. Because i know im really not pretty and sometimes i do act cute on purpose and sometimes by habit. But when someone says something about me that i know it isn't true, i would be very deeply affected by it. I dont know why, but maybe i just dont feel comfortable about just laying back and let people continue misunderstanding me.

Give me a chance to prove to you guys that im not what you think i am. I'm not a complicated person. Im simple and nice, and friends who have spent time around me in real life knows that.

updated: I know i sound super goodygoody here, but that's the kind of person i am. I dont want to be bitchy and mean just so that i'll get more popular and create news on the net okay. I'll only get mean when i really really dislike someone or when im in a angry mood, but that's not the case here.

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