Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A victim of relationship violence?

It's a heavy topic, and I don't know if it'll be sensitive to any of my readers who might happen to be victims of this particular thing called "Relationship Violence".

As many as one in every three college-aged men and women experience violence in their dating relationships.

Relationship violence happens in same-sex relationship at about the same rate as in heterosexual relationships.

Only one of every 25 people who experience relationship violence will seek help from professional service providers.

Violence and abuse occur across all socioeconomic, racial, religious, and ethnic groups.

Ending an abusive relationship is hard. Only about four out of ten relationships end after the onset of violence and abuse. People stay due to fear, confusion, loss of self-esteem, or the belief that the abuser needs their help or will change.

I'm now speaking from a bystander's point of view, and it might not be accurate, because I've never really experienced it before. *choy.

It is often shown on TV throughout my growing up years. Mum has always reminded us again and again that if me or my sister is ever a victim of violence in our future relationships or marriage, leave him and NEVER TURN BACK. Mum's theory was that if he can do it once, he will do it twice. It's true.

When I was still young, I watched shows of woman being cheated by their spouse and forgave them. I used to think that they are all stupid, but when i eventually got cheated on by an ex-boyfriend several years ago, I began to understand why these woman became stupid. It's very difficult to explain why women have such a forgiving heart when they fall in love.

I'm wondering if it'll be the same case for violence victims. Usually men who hit on wives/girlfriends are especially sweet to them during normal days. And because of these, many of women would find excuses for the men, thinking that "he must have hit me cos he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing... or he must have been feeling alot of stress at work, as a wife I have to forgive and support him through his difficult phase... He expressed his apology, I'm sure he is really sorry about it and he won't do it again". I know, these are invalid excuses but alot of women are like this.

I once thought about what I would do if SX were ever to hit me. Deep in my heart, I believe that he will never do it on purpose because... well, I know. (you see, that's the problem with girls in love.) But I feel that it's possible for it to happen in the future, because I see that he sometimes has the tendency to hit walls/raise his fists when he's really angry in a quarrel. He has never hit me before, but I have asked him whether he'll ever beat me. He of course swore that he'll never hit me, but sometimes you never know. Some people have this violence streak in them that they cannot control.

Now, here's the question most woman would think about "do you give up a man who loves you perfectly and treats you well most of the time except that he has violence in his blood which he can't control?"

Well, I would say, give him the benefit of the doubt until he really does it. For me, I feel secure with SX and his character is the kind that would protect me over himself, so I believe that he wouldn't hurt me if he has the choice.

I told SX that if he were to ever hit me, be it uncontrollable or not, I will leave him. That's the way women should be. Most women like to think that their husbands aren't really that bad, but truth is, be it on purpose or not, no women should be victims of endless violence. Don't give yourself excuses that he will change. If he has the violence streak in him, no matter how long he can suppress it, there will come a day when he'll strike again.

If you can, leave him after the 1st strike.
If you really cannot bear to leave (which i think will be majority of the case) and ONLY IF he is really sorry, send him for counselling or something. But if it strikes one more time, leave no more chances okay. If even after counselling he does it again then there is alot of possibility that he'll do it again and again. You can definitely find a better guy. I know this is unfair to the men who in real cases are unable to control their violence, but if it continues on, it'll also be unfair to the woman.

I know someone who is a victim of this issue. I don't know her personally, but she's related through friends. I feel sad when I heard of her being hit repeatedly yet somehow she acts like it's normal. It's NOT!

Let's not be weak, ladies.
Protect yourself, don't be trapped in relationship violence. I know it's not easy to pull away, but it's possible.


What are your views regarding this issue?

No comments :

Post a Comment