Friday, January 1, 2010

Why can't i be 'HER'?

Many times in my life, i wondered to myself,
why can't i be 'her'?

'HER', is not a specific someone.
At different points of my life, i envy random girls that crossed paths with me. Some have the looks, some have the money, some are lucky all the time, some have the freedom, some have the most supportive friends, some have the best relationships.

Every one of them just seem to have a life easier than mine.

Why can't i be 'her'?
I also want to be pretty.
I also want to be lucky.
I also want to have the most supportive friends.
I also want to have the money.
I also want to have a happy and problemless relationship.
I also want to have opportunities to do the things i love.
I also want to have life easy.

Who wouldn't want all this?
Yes, i look like i have everything. I have a complete family. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have friends. I have a blog with quite a number of supportive silent readers (I've seen lots of undiscovered blogs out there with gorgeous faces. Sometimes, i count myself lucky, that such a normal face and average blog like mine gets you all reading). I've average income from my blog just enough to support myself.

But why, is it only me, that at times, i feel that i have nothing at all?

Why do i feel that i have to work harder than anyone else for all that i have?

Why is it that other people get what they want without asking for it? Why is it that i wish so hard for something i want, yet never get to it? Why am i never lucky?

Why do other people, with lesser money, lesser health, lesser assets, seems to be happier than me?

Am i really fated to have such a difficult life?
What else? My health is already so bad now. What will i become when i get old?

Sometimes i wonder how i handle so much drama.
Sometimes i breakdown at night,
then in the morning i wake up and pretend everything's fine.

My new year wish?
To escape to a whole new world, as someone else, with a better and easier life.

Does anyone know that I always try so hard to go through every single hurdle life throws at me? Yes i went through all of them, but im tired now.

I've been believing that after going through bad things, life will give you good things. I think i've reached my life quota of bad luck. When is my good luck ever gonna come? Guess what? I think it'll never reach me.

If i were to live my life all over again,
I wish i wasn't me.

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