Saturday, October 18, 2008

i feel so overwhelmed nowsaday. I finally know how to put it in words after so many days.

On the outside, people always praise me, saying things like "wow, you very intelligent hor, can juggle so many things at a time - blogging, online business, school, attending events, dating with boyfriend, spending time with friends, waitressing, modelling for photoshoots, going for castings, photography, organising photoshoots for those models under my management, etc, etc."

But inside, i feel messed up and too tired.

Before i got to know boyfriend, i was always the invisible, plain, simple girl. But after i got to know him, he brought me to learn many things that i didn't know before. He introduced me to branded items, modelling, photography, etc. That was when i started aiming for more materialistic wants, and putting alot of stress on myself just to achieve the finer kind of life.

I set very high expectations of myself. Everything that i put in effort to do, i'll want it to be perfect.

That's why, my mind is constantly a whirl of thoughts and it's very difficult for me to complete certain tasks. For example, i would be editing pictures for my models, then on the other side of my brain, i keep having the thought of "i havent blog and i've lots to blog about!". Then i start getting distracted and im the kind that can't multitask, and then i getting nothing completed. I sleep late each night just to make sure that i dont waste time lying in bed, and waking up early next morning for school and then worry about the lack of sleeping leading to bad skin.

I feel frustrated all the time over the number of tasks i can't seem to complete, and then i throw my temper around. I feel so much pressure from myself. I constantly feel like collapsing and falling apart. I feel so overwhelmed by my too-hectic life. I love a hectic life, but somehow this is too much.

I have alot of deadlines now (lots of advertorials and project work), and it's really pushing me to the extreme.

Sigh, i hope someone could come and complete some of the task for me, but i know that i would never trust someone else to do my things.

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