ESTHERXIE.COM

Wahhhhh. Why do people keep probing me to rebuke xiaxue?! i got nothing to rebuke about her saying that im not pretty lah. People think i not pretty then i not pretty lor. What's there to quarrel about?

Okay okay. I blog i blog. As i was walking out of my house this morning, i received a sms from a friend saying: "Omg xiaxue just wrote about you this morning. Take care."

Haha at the "take care" thingy at the back. True.

When i got to school, i switched on my laptop and read through her entry. Eh. I thought i would be super traumatized because of her famous sharp tongue, but surprisingly i wasn't very affected by it when i read it for the first time. I thought it would be alot worse. Whole day in school, people kept nudging me in msn to rebuke xiaxue, rebuke xiaxue. You all want to see show is it...? How to rebuke when she was only criticizing my looks and my photos? You people want me to shamelessly insist that im pretty meh?! I would never claim that im pretty, because i have high expectations of how pretty is actually real pretty, and i know im NOT a born beauty.

Well, im not going to start brainlessly criticizing her just because she doesn’t like me. That isn’t a very mature thing to do, and i wouldn't want 20,000 of her fans to come throwing durians at me.

Err. About that stupid "ice-angel" nickname, it was a stupid name created a few years ago when i was still a small kid okay. Calling yourself Princesses, fairies and angels were sort of the trend back then. My friend wanted to use Princess, so i had to use angel. Since friendster had alot of "angels" at that time, i added an "ice" in front to become ice-angel. I don’t even know why i liked that name in the past, just like i don’t know why i registered this blog as "The-Miracle-Season", which makes no sense at all.

About my photos, i can only suggest to her and other people who agrees with her not to enter my blog. That's all. My photoshop skills are mediocre, so i cannot do anything to help. I dont want to photoshop too much, in case people start talking about how fake i look in the photos and how different i look in real life. im already trying not to photoshop alot, so that it won’t be a far cry from my real face. If it really affects your stomach, Please dont view my blog, because i dont want to end up paying for your medical fees.

She started talking about how i dont look hot. Erm. I never did say im hot, and most probably won’t ever say that about myself, unless i undergo plastic surgery or something. Which is close to impossible. i dont think i've ever heard people saying that my photos are hot, so i dont know why she even mentioned about that "being hot" thingy.

Nail polish also want to harp ah. Then i think every single colour also got people will criticize one lor. About plucking brows, heh. I know i need to do that, but the something that is pulling me back from starting to pluck is the fact that i would have to repluck it every 2 to 3 days. And im afraid one day i'll pluck wrong, then both eyebrows uneven, how?

I want to get contacts. But i havent even got around to talking to my dad about it. And choongming says i look weird without spects =X

Okay, that's all about Xiaxue.
Now, here are some things that i really have to clarify to xiaxue's fans.

Have i ever said i ADORE xiaxue? What makes you think so anyway? True, i do read her blog, but that doesn't mean i adore her. Just like many people out there who dont adore her but still couldn't stop themselves from reading her blog. I dont hate her either, since she isn't even part of my life. I have NO feelings towards her okay. And i dont wish to have any either.

Anyone who wants to say im acting cute, acting pretty, acting blahblah, say lor. Anything i say wont change your opinion.

Xiaxue, 23 years old right? You do have to give other people who are younger than you time to grow up. Thanks. Oh ya. And i should really say thanks again for inviting more hits into my blog today. Well, negative kind of hits.

*** Update in April 2015 ***

Thought I should update this space because recently people have been linking back to this entry in 2007 and I cringe every time I read what I wrote.

Of course, it didn't feel good to be disliked back then by the blog queen. I don't deny that although I personally do not feel very affected by her words, I felt hurt by people around me who chose to judge me immediately based on that entry alone, and did not give me any chance to show that I was a normal girl like everyone else too. Some poly mates mocked and said mean things about me without realizing that I was in the same room. Imagine how horrid it felt and how much relief it was when I finally graduated! Luckily, I am very thankful that the people I met afterwards in university and at work are nice people.

What comforted me through those tougher times was that my circle of friends did not waver their opinions towards me because of something like that, and supported me even when other people say shit about me. To me, what's important are the opinions of the people I care about. I would feel upset if a friend said nasty things about me but if it's a stranger, so be it. People may form their own impression and since I was not accused of anything I am not, I felt no reason to fight back. I'd rather seek peace than try to provoke and say unkind words unnecessarily and then only have myself to blame for any repercussions. Also, I didn't feel anger towards her at all during that time so I honestly didn't have much to say too, and only felt the need to defend myself and move on.

Fast forward afew years, in 2011, I attended Huiwen's gathering at her house and XX was there too. XX was gracious enough to sit next to me and we interacted comfortably despite everything that happened. Afterwards, she mentioned in a Clicknetwork video that she is alright with me already and of course I was happy lah. It's always a good thing when people who initially dislike you, change their point of view.

Still, even after that, throughout the years I have never knew how I should face her at events, because I am still not sure about how she feels towards me now. Aiya I very not brave one lah. Haha.

So anyway, what I want to say is, there is no need to take strangers' opinions too seriously because it doesn't really matter. Over the years, I learnt that not all dislike need to be supported by valid reasons. Anything can trigger dislike and it does not have to be something wrong. I still believe that as long as you are genuine, people you interact with will still like you, despite whatever other people say.

Let me also share a story: "The Miller, the Son, and the Donkey."

The story is about a miller and his son who were driving their donkey to market. They had not gone far when some girls saw them and broke out laughing. "Look!" they cried. "Look at those fools! How silly they are to be trudging along on foot when the donkey might be carrying one of them on his back."

This seemed to make sense, so the father lifted his son onto the donkey and walked along contentedly by his side. They trod on for a while until they met an old man who spoke to the son scornfully. "You should be ashamed of yourself, you lazy rascal. What do you mean by riding when your poor old father has to walk? It shows that no one respects age anymore. The least you can do is get down and let your father rest his old bones." Red faced with shame, the son got down and made his father get onto the donkey's back.

They had gone only a little further when they met a group of young fellows who mocked them. "What a cruel old man!" jeered one of the fellows. "There he sits, selfish and comfortable, while the poor boy has to stumble along the dusty road to keep up with him."

So the father lifted his son up, and the two of them rode along. However, before they reached the market, a townsman stopped them. "Have you no feeling for dumb creatures?" he shouted. "The way you load that little animal is a crime. You two men are better able to carry the poor little beast than he you!"

Wanting to do the right thing, the miller and his son got off the donkey, tied its legs together, slung him on a pole, and they carried him to the market. ’Poor donkey!’ everbody shouted. ’Put that donkey down! Don’t tie its legs! Let it walk!’

The moral of this story is, "He who tries to please everybody pleases nobody." I will never please everybody, so just let me be.

(Jialat. I think I sound super preachy here. Sorry!)