Wednesday, February 6, 2008

You people hate the eyeliner?
Let me piss you again with this picture!

Copy of DSC01628

Having moodswings rather frequently recently.
I HATE PMS. i wish that monthly blood donation would faster come and get over and done with as soon as possible. Dont know why it's dragging it's pre-symptoms for so long.

I dont know why... but sometimes, i felt that things are being taken away from me one by one. Now it seems like i have nothing to be proud of anymore.

People tell me: why are you sad, you have a blog that have the amount of readers that everyone wants to have!
So what?
How many readers out of the people flocking to this blog everyday are sincerely supporting me in whatever i do? Everyone's reading this blog out of boredom. They come in, scan through, and exit. How many really cared?

I know there are A FEW out there... and im thankful to them for always making my days happier whenever im down.

Let's not talk about my blog anymore. What about other things outside of the cyberworld? I think im losing my abilities one by one... Maybe i have overly high expectations of myself. I expect everything to be perfect. Everything im interested in, i must work hard and be the best. However, sometimes hard work doesnt lead to success. It makes me so depressed and i dont know how to turn them successful..

I guess the only thing i have now is my family and boyfriend... He would always try hard to make me happier when im down. I could tell him everything. Even the deepest thoughts that could actually make him change his good impression of me, i blurted them all out all the time. Im a selfish, greedy, unreasonable, stubborn, unthoughtful girl but yet he still continued to love me so much. I know he tried hard to please me all the time.. Sometimes when im super depressed, i think of boyfriend and i would thank fate for bringing kelvin to me.

And of course, friends who really cared.

Writing this post has made me feel much better. Thanks for reading my rants. I dont mean to be so emotional. Sometimes i hate myself for being such an unhappy freak.

Where has the happy esther gone to?
Tomorrow Happy Esther will be back.


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