Friday, August 26, 2011

My relationship

Recently just found out that I can view the interactions history between myself and friends on facebook. Was curious, so I went to see what were the interactions between me and bf.

Our relationship wasn't a smooth sailing one. If there is one word to describe it, I'd call it dramatic. Seriously, ALOT of things happened that I've not blogged about and I don't intend to.

So anyway, the recent months are much more difficult than any of what we went through before. But, I see myself changing to a better person. I see myself looking at my flaws and realising what kind of person I was. I always thought it was my right to behave this way, and if a man loves me he ought to love me this way. But suddenly I felt myself in my ex's shoes. I was going through the same thing that I made him went through. I was treated the same way I treated other people. I always thought my bf was taking for granted of me at times, but I realised that I was taking him for granted too (I felt so guilty that on his birthday this year, it was his friends who waited for 12AM sharp to wish him happy bday, not me. I didn't even leave any happy bday msg on his fb wall when his friends were flooding him...). I started realising that sometimes it's not about who is right and who is wrong. Sometimes situations and circumstances makes people think rashly and make bad decisions.

I would not change my character and principals for anyone. I would still be the same girl no matter what. But I can change my temper, I can spare some thought for other people, I can change some little things to be a better person and yet not lose my true self. I still believe in showing my anger when I'm upset, but instead of yelling, I could give myself time to calm down and think about my anger and the situation before confronting the person. And when I put myself in someone else's shoe, I am able to understand better.

I saw the messages that he left on my facebook wall, and the ones I left on his wall. It wasn't alot, because he is seldom on FB. He started being more active recently though, after changing to a smartphone. It also made our conversations more fun cos we can send each other pictures/videos/voice messages/emoticons on whatsapp.

So anyway, back to facebook. I realised that he used to leave a "love u♥♥" note at least once every month, until this year May (that's when we started going downhill). Then it stopped coming. Sigh, as the saying goes, you never know what you had until it is gone right?

I scrolled down and saw the super sweet messages he left in the past. For example,
"are u willing to be my tower???? so tat i can stand there and look at u forever ♥"
That was last year, in December.

"mis su mis su xiao xiong mis su"
That was when he watching the "Autumn Concerto" show and imitating the small boy -.-

When I went to Genting, he left this msg:
"faster come back i miss u ♥"

On his wall....
Me: Although sometimes I feel that I really really hate you for being so stupid/nasty, but I still want to say I ♥ you.
Him: tis is the reason i love u too ♥ and pls i am nt stupid and nasty...
Me: U are!

"a new promise tat i wil treat u double well tis time. trust mi. love uuu ♥"

"♥ forever..." - June 18, 2010 at 8:20am
"♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥" - June 18, 2010 at 8:29am
"mean i love u till the end..." - June 18, 2010 at 8:31am

& the way he says he says "love you ESTHER CHIA JIA MIN".
& the way he posts on his own wall that he is missing me.

Alright, shall end here.
Update you people again if our relationship gets back on track.

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