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Saturday, September 6, 2008

Bahhhh.

If you are in a bad mood don't read this because I'm in a tired-mode-but-still-wanna-pent-some-feelings-out mood. I guess I'll be writing a lot of shitty comments and would result in lots of criticisms, but nevermind.

Hmmm. Girls out there, how well do you treat your boyfriend/the person you like? Are you more of xiao-nu-ren always listening/giving in to him, treating him like a treasure, or are you da-nu-ren, stubborn, tempered, and always the one receiving love more than giving?

I used to be the xiao nu ren type. I always give in to my boyfriends, even if I feel that I'm correct. i always put them as first priority, but always losing out in the end with them dumping me or two timing or three timing, or lose feelings, or change heart -.-

Then i learnt my lesson. I started standing up for whatever i think is right. I would not give in if i don't want to. I would always want to get my way. I would force myself not to fall hard for the guy (no matter how much i wish to). Every start of a new relationship, i would tell myself to build a wall around me and him, don't love him too much. Best is bo-chup, convince myself that he's not important at all.

That worked. When i am less serious in a guy, the guy on the other hand chased me like mad. They would give in for all quarrels, and treated me like a princess. I started believing this theory and put it to use for every single relationship. Yes, almost all the recent ones. I always have the thinking that "if i don't love them, they can't hurt me."


However, sometimes i feel a bit of emptiness within me. Everything feels so fake. I felt that i protected myself too much and would never be able to taste the real flavour of how a sizzling relationship should be. By building a wall around me, i forbid myself to love or sacrifice for a man. So what's the use of having a guy who loves you when you don't love him back?

But then, if I'm too good to the guy, the guy would always take me for granted and then I'll be the one hurt in the end.

I don't know which to choose: Love and be hurt, or don't love and feel empty.

Why can't there be a case of me liking the guy and the guy liking me back as much? I don't think i ever had such a relationship.


Friends around me proved my theory right.

Girl A is super sweet and loving to her boyfriend. The boyfriend cheated on her.

Girl B is very afraid that her boyfriend would leave her, so she always gives in to him, rather let herself be troublesome that let the guy be. The boyfriend seem to take her for granted.

Other cases had the man losing interest in the girl as the good girl is always deemed as boring. Or the man would be the kind who throws temper at his girlfriend without thinking twice, since the girlfriend would always tolerate.

Then again, some of my girl friends are like me. They would never allow a man to take advantage of them. They would always want to have the upper hand, and difficult to control. When the guy wants XYZ, they would do ZYX. But in these cases, the man would always love them to the max, willing to do anything to make the girl happy.

See the difference? Try thinking about your friends and their relationship. Are they also the same as what i mentioned?

But i really want a relationship where both sides love each other equally and not taking advantage of each other. It's only fair and no one gets hurt right? Both would be happy together and sweet.

But it seems it'll never be possible. So far i haven't really met any case in which both give in equally, love each other equally. It's always one of the pair desperate, the another one bo-chup.

Were you ever in any relationship that doesn't have that problem? Is the theory i believe in true? Should i continue to build a wall around me and my relationship partners?

Blah. Has been thinking about it on the cab back home. Should i be super good to the guys so that they'll be touched and love me back equally, or should i be bo-chup?

:(
Guys? Tell me your views too lei. Would you treat a girl better if she treats you good or bad? Be honest.

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